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Be Sure to Read:
FAQ Teen Pot Culture: What Worried Parents Should Know
Warning Signs Your Teen Is Doing Pot
Pot vs. Alcohol: What Are Teens Using?
This is a tricky subject and different for every family, but I truly believe that every kid who wants to get pot, can.
Therefore, I always tell parents, it is extremely difficult to try to shield a kid today from being exposed to pot because it is so prominent. I believe parents, and what I do with many of my clients, need to spend their efforts trying to equip kids to make the right choices, so when they are exposed to it, they will choose not to smoke.
To be very honest, no matter how strict a curfew you have, how often you drug test your kids, or whether they are an athlete, a scholar or a jock (see Teens Dealing Urine Post), your kid will always find a way to smoke marijuana if they want to. They key is making sure they do not want to.
1) Ask Questions
Before you dive into trying to equip them with the power to ‘say no,’ try to gauge their level of involvement. Ask the tough questions. I am not saying to grill them before they go out, but showing them you are paying attention and are very involved is important and you can get an idea of how much or how little you know about their social life.
2) Listen to the Answers
Most times, when I hear parents talk to their kids, parents do ask questions, but then answer the questions themselves. A question, and then silence will get you a long way. For some reason, even after we have already given a one-word answer, if we feel you are still waiting for more, we either get nervous (a sign we are hiding something) or splurge and let our mouths go. Also look at your kid’s immediate facial response as soon as you ask a question. We are not as good at hiding our emotions and you might be able to gauge a lot by watching our reaction.
3) Look at Their Friends
I constantly hear the “well, it’s not my kid because…” response when I do speaking engagements on this topic. If you feel your child is either an angel or unreadable, look at their friends behavior. Have they gotten in trouble? Are they the ones who make the decisions where to go on the weekends? Friend’s behavior means everything in the world of pot.
4) Talk to Your Friends and Other Parents
Get informed about the pot culture in general and in your specific community. I post frequently on this topic and what kids are doing right now, so you can stay a step ahead. I highly recommend getting together with parent friends and talking about what your kids are doing and sharing notes about what they think is going on.
5) Don’t Lecture!
If you think we are doing pot, dabbling in pot, seeing it at parties or just want to talk to us about it, please talk, don’t lecture. I promise, we have heard all of the negative sides to smoking weed in health class. As soon as you start lecturing us, we stop listening. So, instead of approaching it like a health teacher, ask questions and let us come to our own conclusion, usually we know what is right or wrong, and if we feel like you are talking to us about it, not at us, at least we will come to you if we have questions or problems down the road.
6) Find Out Why:
This is tricky, it is important to understand that, today, pot is not only for ‘the stoner’ kids. All different kinds of kids are doing it and it has become a sort of social unifier. A drama kid and a jock might not hang out at a party, but if they get to the party and share a joint, they are friends. It is really important to understand this new social aspect and that it permeates all kinds of peer groups.
7) Build their Esteem:
If you cannot prevent them from encountering pot, you can empower them to make the right choices. I do believe there is peer pressure to smoke (see video). It is hard to say no when it feels like everyone is doing it and you know that if you smoke, you have the chance to be friends with that jock, who would never talk to you other wise. So encourage them to do esteem building activities, like running for student council, working out, or doing a hobby and help them be proud of who they are by engaging in their unique qualities.
8) Offer Other Activities:
When you talk to your parent friends, make sure everyone is on the same page with curfews and activities. If there is a semi-formal or prom coming up, offer to host a substance-free after party, host bbqs and movie nights. I think many kids smoke simply because there is nothing better to do.
9) Offer Other Options:
As horrible as it sounds, if your kid wants to smoke, they will find a way. Make sure that they know never to drive high. If you think they are smoking and you cannot do anything about it (sometimes it happens), then at least tell them to call you if they are ever in a situation and they will not get in trouble. Many, many, kids drive high or drunk and this worries me more than anything. If you do not think they would call you, then encourage an aunt, uncle, priest, rabbi, teacher, friend to be their secondary support system if they ever need to be bailed out or get a ride home.
10) Give Other Reasons Not to Smoke:
I constantly talk to teens about smoking and always give them non-health class reasons not to smoke which, I believe, appeal more to their interests. I always stress to girls the aging effects of smoking. I spoke to a group of 16 year-olds about ‘anti-partying’ and gave them my reasons not to smoke (they were shocked, because they were so a-typical)
-At a prestigious internship interview, a friend got offered the job and when they asked for a drug test, he knew couldn’t pass it and they took back the offer.
-Gives you lip wrinkles.
-The smoke makes your teeth yellow
-Lowers your sperm count
-Makes you taste bad when you kiss
-(I know a little crude) makes oral sex for your partner taste bad.
-Make allergies worse
-You never know who is going to take an incriminating picture and post it somewhere, or use it against you later.
11) Give Them Excuses
Ok, so maybe they have the self-esteem to say no, and maybe they agree with the reasons above to say no, but sometimes people will not let up with the “just take one hit!, Just try it!” So, think of excuses for them to use. Here are some that I have given and tell teens to use:
-It makes me really sleepy, and I am no fun when all I want to do is sleep.
-I am on a diet, it gives me uncontrollable munchies and I am not giving up my summer goal for one hit.
-It makes me sneeze.
-My parents/job/school/coach drug test me.
-My parents are waiting for me when I get home, and they will smell it/notice it.
-I have dance class/practice/a run tomorrow and I can never perform as well.
-I hate the taste.
**Offer to be the reason! My parents told me to clearly tell people that they were watching me like hawks and that I would get in big trouble if I smoked. This almost always works, because everyone understands strict parents. So tell them to use you as the reason…after all there is some truth to it!
Stay Informed and don’t give up!
Vanessa
11 responses so far ↓
1 How To Stop Smoking » Blog Archive » 11 Strategies: If You Think Your Kid Is Smoking Pot // Feb 25, 2008 at 5:03 am
[...] post Contact the author and continue reading [...]
2 Tad Van Petten // Mar 8, 2008 at 7:07 am
Thank you for addressing teen smoking and offering these strategies. I agree this can be a tricky subject for any family, especially for parents or teens who buy into the attitude, Hey, it’s just pot. I appreciate your ideas on this subject and the passion that comes through in your writing and work. I feel moved to respond.
I’m concerned about the level of acceptance in film, TV and magazines that kids can’t help but pick up on. In perusing a magazine rack, I discovered High Times is now competing with four other marijuana culture publications; Cannabis Culture and Heads, to name a couple. I don’t know of any other drug receiving this kind of support and acceptance. Imagine if there existed a publication called Heroin Chic or The Cocaine Chronicle.
Learning about the pot culture is a great suggestion. Pot is now many times stronger then it was in the 60’s and 70’s, and while it can still act as a gateway drug, it’s also strong enough by itself for some to fall into a life of addiction with pot being the only drug they use. Parents should be aware of what’s at stake and be ready to cope with the potential for full blown addiction.
Unfortunately, pot is the most difficult drug to council against. While stronger drugs can slam users into the pavement, consequences accompanying the pot user can be subtle and slow in coming. Some teens may feel completely functional in their pot use and perhaps get through school with little or no problems; but all users run the risk of being cooked like the frog placed in warm water over a burner that slowly increases in temperature.
There are lots of things teens can do in place of getting high, but as you pointed out, if a teen wants to get high they’ll most likely find a way. The advice for a teen to, Just say, No, is very weak by itself. I like the idea of putting options out there such as a substance-free party. With awareness of all the healthy choices in life teens might adopt a completely different mantra . . . .
Just say, YES! . . . to life.
Thanks,
Tad
3 Vanessa // Mar 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Tad, this is an amazingly well thought out and well written comment! Thank you for your ideas. I am so glad you were moved to respond
I think that because it is such a huge issue and the opinions vary so much from laid back parents to stoner teens to strict teachers to police officers that having a variety of resources and methods of communications for teens and parents is super important.
Please keep reading and commenting!
Vanessa
PS I like your name = )
4 Andrew and Judy // Apr 10, 2008 at 3:29 am
Hi Vanessa,
It may sound like a good idea to help teens of to day. If we are going to help any one we first have to be sure that we have the right source. This may sound a little out of the way for some, but we have found that Jesus Christ is the answer for the world to day, yet people have turned to their own way rather than hear the truth. You may win some and lose some. Until the Lord came into our lives we were just spinning our wheels so to speak. What we thought was life we found to be death as the scripture in Proverbs 16:25 says: “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Also in Psalms 1:1 says Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2. “But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”
And if that is not enough, the Lord continues in Psalm 33:8-12 (KJV)
8 “Let all the earth fear the LORD: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.” Yet how many call one another awesome which belongs to God himself. Isaiah 42:8 (KJV)
8 “I am the LORD: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images.”
9 “For he spake, and it was done; he commanded, and it stood fast.”
10 “The LORD bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought: he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.”
11 “The counsel of the LORD standeth for ever, the thoughts of his heart to all generations.”
12 “Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD; and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.”
What the Governments and people of United States and Canada did is remove God from their presence and the schools and now we wonder why we have chaos and our children are getting worse and worse and people looking for help in the wrong places. We don’t need more Oprahs. We need the Lord Jesus who has all the answers for the World to-day.
I Thessalonians 5:9-10 (KJV)
9 “For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ,”
10 “Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him.” Mark 1:14-15 (KJV)
14 “Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God,”
15 “And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.”
I will give you some more answers from the word of God which is able to make you wise and give God all the glory for it.
II Timothy 3:14-15 (KJV)
14 “But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;”
15 “And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.”
Finally one more that should make you want more of God in your life through the Bible to give answers to not only teens but to all mankind.
John 8:31-32 (KJV)
31 “Then said Jesus to those Jews {and Gentiles} which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;”
32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Isn’t this what you are really looking for.
To God be all the Glory great things he had done so loved he the world that he gave us His Son, who yeilded His life an atonement for sin and opened the life gate that all may go in.
This commission have we from Him. As he says in His word, freely, freely ye have received freely, freely give, go in my name and because you believe others will know that I live. He lives in our heart.
5 Andrew and Judy // Apr 10, 2008 at 3:48 am
There is one more important truth that I left out, and that is SELF ESTEEM which God resists and yet we teach it to our children. How serious is that. Self Esteem is Pride or being proud yet look what God has to say to us about that.
Proverbs 16:5 (KJV) 5 “Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.”
Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”
6 hector // May 29, 2008 at 8:02 am
hey Vanessa,
i got all in to weed when i was only in 5th grade and most kids strat somking weed at 5th or 6th grade….. so it realy dosen’t matter how old you are everone at one ponit in there lifes they are goin to try it
ummm…. im a teen and i’ll tell you that your right about every thing you say on this site..
any teenager can get weed…..even in middle school i don’t think theres anyway to stop your kid from somking weed… im not tying to be bad or anything but its the truth. if kid dose strat smoking i think the best thing to do is just let them…because if you make a big deal out of it your kids are going to wana somke more….the best thing to do is talk to your kid about it…
7 Vanessa // May 29, 2008 at 9:52 am
hector
thanks for your insight. I do think that any kid of any age can get it if they want to and if parents freak out about it it does become more appealing…
thanks for reading
Vanessa
8 Crystal // Jun 5, 2008 at 4:26 pm
My friend smokes pot. How do I help her stop…
9 Vanessa // Jun 6, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Crystal
If she doesn’t want to stop, there is not much you can do. If you don’t this will help and just talking to her about why she does it and the potential downsides will help her see it from a different perspective. If you are willing to take a bigger step you could always talk to her or your parents.
Vanessa
10 SASCHA // Jun 28, 2008 at 5:47 am
i think this is stupid. My friends and family all smoke weed. Its not harmful. GOD PUT IT ON THE EARTH. he said use all. So they are using a PLANT of gods. Its not a bad thing, I think everyone should smoke weed and stop being “bitches”
11 Hope // Jul 2, 2008 at 11:05 am
Sascha,
God gave us complete freedom so we can come to him out of true love should we desire to do so or even beleive.
If God forced or to only be able to do good we would be like robots with no freedom. God gave us ultimate freedom to choose things so we would not just be pre-programed robots.
Just because something exists does not mean it is a good thing, we are also part of nature and everything we make is from nature (guns bombs).
I do not want my surgeon, arline pilot etc high while my life is in their hands. Opium is also from nature? Regards