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Bisexuality is really really ‘in’ right now. As one of my mentees said to me today: “Even if you aren’t bi, it’s still like, really cool, you just pretend to be.”
I called a few of my teen friends and asked them why everyone is coming out:
(Disclaimer: By no means am I encouraging teens to pretend to be bisexual, or diminishing the importance of understanding one’s own true sexual orientation. I am merely trying to report on this trend and give parents some insight into why teens are finding it so appealing)
1. It’s Naughty
Teens love to do things that feel a bit naughty or wrong. Bisexuality is a hot and controversial topic in many households and this gives teens a thrill.
2. It’s Sexy
One of the major reasons teens gave me for either being a bisexual or knowing lots of teen bisexuals was that “boys like it.” Teen girls especially want to turn on other teen boys and many teen boys—and men for that matter think it is a turn on.
3. It’s Forbidden
Many religious organizations, parents, and even cultures forbid or look down upon bisexuality or homosexuality. This makes it a rebellious output for many teens.
4. It’s Intriguing
The ‘typical’ family situation is a man and woman with kids. Having two women or two men attracted to one another is not a societal norm—yet. This makes hooking up with your same sex intriguing, mysterious and interesting and leads many teens to experiment.
5. It’s Attention Grabbing
Everyone wants attention, and teens especially do. Hooking up with your same sex friend at a party is sure to grab the attention of other party goers and get people talking about you. Whether this is in a good or bad way, many teens do not care either way.
6. It’s Cool
Um, Ellen is awesome. Portia is hot. Ugly Betty characters are gay and proud and teens feel that being bisexual is incredibly ‘in’ and what a lot of the celebrities are doing.
7. It’s Tolerant
My generation is all about being open, tolerant and diverse. Hooking up with friends and same sex is the ultimate way of saying: “I am open to being with anyone and showing them love.” A few teens I talked to say they do it because they can and it is a statement to being open about people.
8. It’s a Political Stance
“Being a bisexual is exercising my right as a person with free will.” Yup, quoted from a teen. Many teens are hooking up with each other to make a statement that they believe it is a right to love and be loved by anyone you choose.
I think that being open-minded is critical, but making sure you are being true to your feelings is the most important.
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10 responses so far ↓
1 Why Do Teens Pretend To Be Bisexual | Love For Families with Troubled Teens // Jul 8, 2008 at 12:32 pm
[...] to be bi today? Is it a Teen Trend read her post and see what teens are saying Teen Trend: 7 Reasons Why It’s Cool to Pretend to be Bisexual . She quotes teens why they think it is “in” to be “Bi”, some of [...]
2 Dana // Jul 11, 2008 at 2:09 pm
The way you present this makes it pretty clear that the “trend,” if it does exist (and I have no evidence either way), is really a matter of girls saying they are bisexual, not of boys saying they are. This implies that reason #2 above is one of the driving factors. Yes, bisexuality is a real sexual orientation, and there are those who are indeed attracted to both men and women, but girls who say they are bisexual only to attract boys aren’t really bisexual at all–the boy attraction is the ultimate goal here.
I also have to note that while bisexuality may be seen as “cool” by some, there is still much anti-LGBT violence, including the murder of eighth-grade student Larry King last February. If people think being gay (or bi) is cool, that’s great–but let’s not forget that there are many who feel very much the opposite.
3 Vanessa // Jul 11, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Dana,
I completely agree with you, this is about being attractive and feeling attractive and wanted by boys.
Unfortunately there is a lot of LGBT violence and it is a real problem, I wanted some parents to be aware of the other end of this spectrum, thank you for pointing out the more dangerous side of the problem.
Vanessa
4 V // Jul 26, 2008 at 9:59 pm
good points but there are alot of us who truly are bi not for attention or anything of the sort….so if a teens parents fnd out that he/she is having bisexual relations they should not jump to the conclusion that it is for one of these reasons they may very well be bisexual through and through
5 Vanessa // Jul 27, 2008 at 3:20 pm
V-
Yes, good point. I think parents need to be more open minded in general about what their teen is experiencing whether it is experimentation or not.
Vanessa
6 Char // Aug 1, 2008 at 7:10 am
How do you know if your daughter is bisexual or just pretending to be?
7 Vanessa // Aug 1, 2008 at 8:31 am
Char,
I think talk to her about it, show her the post, talk to her about the trend and see what she says. Just make sure when you bring it up you do not pass judgment either way so she feels she can give you an honest answer.
8 jordan // Aug 13, 2008 at 10:59 am
Im a teen, and i see this happening alot. Lately ive been seeing girls doing this to get boys, but on the other hand, i think alot of people are bisexual and now that its being accepted more, more people are being open with their temptations, fantasies and desires.
I myself, am 15 years old. I have expierienced a few guys, and 2 girls. Both the girls i was with was doing it so it would be hot (their boyfriends were there) but i would have done it one on one without guys being there. I dont know why i feel like this, but i find girls easy to talk to and women are so complex and beautiful and gentle, unique.
Im not COMPLETELY sure if my temptations are just a phase ive been feeling for a few years, but im definetly not faking or doing it for a “trend” which is why i dont express being a bisexual openly. Only to really close friends.
I wish teens wouldnt do this if they really arent.
all in all, i agree with you.
9 Vanessa // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:47 am
hey jordan
thanks for commenting, it was really interesting for me to read your experience, because many teens tell me the same thing. It is really good you are being openminded about your feelings and thinking about the possible reasons or instincts behind the desires.
Vanessa
10 Jason // Sep 23, 2008 at 10:00 am
Well as many of you stated, most of the reasons why girls are acting bisexual is for the wrong reasons or reasons that are insincere and not genuine. Reasons like doing it for attention from other guys. Yes, this could very well prove that they are not in fact bisexual, but are willing to go there to attract more attention from boys/guys, because there is little to no social stigma to it nowadays. But when these girls/women are acting bisexual for these “wrong reasons,” they are discovering that they actually like it during the process, and therefore become legitimate bisexuals. Girls are not innocent. I know a girl who at 14, slept with a married man of 24-25 years old. He knew her when she was 12, and on the day it happened, she actually hit on him. I know another girl who when she just turned 16, slept with D-Roc of the Ying Yang Twins when he was 28. She admitted to not being the innocent one in this situation. By the way, D-Roc knew her age, but obviously didn’t care. I know of another girl at age 17, who became involve with another girl in her school, and admitted they they went down on each other. She still claims to be straight, but she became more hung up on her relationship with this other girl than any other guy she dated. Very confusing, if you ask me.
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