Welcome to a secret view into the world of the net-generation. I love writing to you (maybe a little too much) so enjoy, stick around and be sure to tell me what you think...and, duh, get on my email list quick! (on the right, "subscribe via email"). Or subscribe to my RSS feed.
I get a lot of questions submitted to me via email and this is great! I also wanted to have a more public forum where my readers could ask general questions (I will try my best to respond) or other users can answer as well. So, feel free to ask away!
50 responses so far ↓
1 Vanessa // Apr 7, 2008 at 9:28 am
This is an example:
My teen is having problems getting homework done on-time, any advice?
2 Vanessa // Apr 7, 2008 at 9:29 am
This is a tough problem, the best thing is to be patient, I also have a post on procrastination that might help:
http://www.vanessavanpetten.com/2008/01/26/dear-vanessa-how-to-stop-procrastination/
3 Kathy // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:29 am
My 15 year old daughter is a bright student, runs track, plays tennis, straight As in school, participates in youth group - but has recently made some poor decisions in trying alcohol, pot, and sneaking out. She doesn’t seem able to keep any good girl friends either. What in the world could be going on?
4 Vanessa // Apr 8, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Hi Kathy,
I think it is a big issue that she doesn’t have a lot of girlfriends. If she is feeling like she is not connecting with anyone, she is going to experiment with different friends and what they are doing to see if she can connect with them that way.
I would say stay really close in supporting her, try to think of other activities for her to meet people who have positive activities. The more other outlets she can get the better. I also totally get how upsetting it can be to just not ‘click’ with anyone, you might want to have a few talks with her about this being really normal and it does take a lifetime to build longterm friendships
Vanessa
5 Kim T. // Apr 26, 2008 at 4:46 pm
What kind of advice do you have for parents of a teenage girl who is involved in an emotionally controlling relationship? (We think) Do you think technology today encourages controlling behaviors? It is the instant communication and when they do not instantly reply, there is an issue?
6 Vanessa // Apr 28, 2008 at 9:51 am
Hi Kim
I would think that if a teenage girl is invovled in an emotionally controlling relationship a lot of it probably has to do with self-esteem, that she feels she does not deserve any better and is perhaps worried about losing the boy. This is actually common amongst girls, but any of them fail to realize that they are being emotionally controlled or that it is wrong.
I think that the technology does not cause the problem, but makes it easier for people who have the tendency and exacerbates the problem. I mean this because the instant communications allow couples and friends to constantly be in touch and become addicted to it. Also, controlling personalities love to be able to keep tabs on the people in their lives with texting and IMing.
Vanessa
7 beth irvine // May 16, 2008 at 7:45 am
THANK YOU for including me in your list!
best wishes-
beth
http://www.truewellbeing.net
8 Lisa // May 21, 2008 at 3:00 am
Hi Vanessa,
I have a 17 year old son who is really a good person. He was failing in school, skipping school, and the school, my son and I dediced it would be best to put him through a GED program. He will be taking the GED test next weekend. He has inrolled in a community collage. My son has been smoking pot for some time now. He says oh its not addictive and its not a gateway to other drugs. (I know better). He is at the point now where he smokes everyday more than once a day. He at one point was taking tripple C. Now says he cant even swallow a pill because of them and has not done it in 2 months. (I read this on his IM, which I sneak and read when I can). I came home one day when I had him watch his 4 year old brother and found him in his room with some friends passing a bowl. I was so angry and upset. I have caught him in his room by himself smoking it also. Of course you cant miss the smell. Addictive tendecies run on both sides of the family. I suffer from cronic pain, deginerative disc diease, arthuritis and fybroymialgia. His father also has degineratie disc diease and arthuritis. We both became addicted to narcotics. I decided to detox in a hospital. His father did not. So he use to throw up in our face when there would be confrontations with him, our addiction. I am so worried about him. My mother was addicted to narcotics and killed her self at the age of 31. My son is in counseling but I am at the point what do I do? Do I put him in a rehab program by force just to have him come out and start all over again. Because if he does not want the help then I know for a fact that he will start using again. Please any feedback would be appreciated.
9 Vanessa // May 22, 2008 at 8:06 am
Hi Lisa
First of all I am so sorry that you have gone through this rough time with your son and your mother and I can totally understand how this must be frightening. I am glad to hear your son is in counseling, but the counseling should be taking a step up. I am not sure whether your son is seeing someone at a school or at a clinic, but the counselor should tell you whether or not to recommend rehab for your son. If the counselor is incapable of doing this i recommend bringing your son to a specialized teen therapist.
Then he might be able to participate in alone sessions with the therapist and group sessions with other teens and this is a first step before rehab. Please get on the same page as the counselor and see if they think it is time for rehab,
Vanessa
10 Deanna // May 28, 2008 at 6:12 am
Hi Vanessa,
We are moving out of state and two of my daughters, 12 yo and 15 yo are very unhappy about it. How do I help them adjust most?
Also, we’re planning a huge going away party at a local park. I was planning on having a volleyball net, water gun games, and music. Do you think this will be fun for them? Thanks!
11 Vanessa // May 28, 2008 at 8:55 am
Hi Deanna
Moving can be quite upsetting for teens but also a really great chance for a new start! I would sit down with them and tell them you want to give them some control over something.
What I mean is, the reason teens freak out at a move is the feel like they are having complete loss of control, so by offering them something to control, perhaps the entire layout/paint color of their new room. Or they can help plan and decide the road trip to get there can make them feel heard and in control.
Make it really clear through out that you want their input/suggestions and help and it is a family decision and project not just parents (even if it is)
As for the party, again I would ask them for all of their input, have them plan the activities because “you think they are great planners at this” the more they can choose the better
Good luck!
Vanessa
12 Deanna // May 28, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Thanks Vanessa! I like the idea of giving them some control, especially when it comes to the new house. I’ve also been really trying to tell them all the benefits of going to the new school. I’m sure once we are out there and they can see for themselves, they’ll start to come around.
Thanks for the advice!
13 erika // May 30, 2008 at 1:37 pm
hi vanessa,
I’m not sure if I am even old enough for you to acknowledge my advice, but I can’t seem to find any other genuine sites, mostly because I need advice anonymousl. Anyways, I’m 16 and I have three important best friends. We have been so close for a couple of years now and we have all been through so much. My parents got divorced, a close friend of mine died suddenly, one of my other friends’ boyfriends cheated on her with our close friend after an extremely long relationship. To get to the point, we’ve all been in sticky situations and we’ve always turned to eachother for help and never done anything. But this friend isn’t dealing with her problems the way she used to and she resorted to cutting her wrists, thighs, and ankles. But i know her too well and i’ve been with her during one of her “freakouts” and i cannot see one single problem wrong with her life. And i honestly don’t think it’s one of those cases where know one understands her because she has deep dark secrets, because it’s just hte little things she does that hints to all of us that it might actually be an attention scam. She always asks people (especially guys) if shes fat and she is the skinniest, tannest, prettiest girl ever and she knows it she’s always so confident. And then out of nowhere someone will be like sam you look so pretty and she’ll be like “ew no i don’t” and then she keeps saying it over and over until the person has completely convinced her taht she’s the prettiest girl in the world. Also she doesn’t cry or show any emotion when she cuts herself, and I’m not sure what to do. She refuses all of our help and its been since august of last year that we’ve been consistently trying to aid her in any way possible. She doesn’t ever want to talk to councelors or any of us of anyone for that matter. At this point, I’m honestly just stuck and we feel like giving up but then again I would never give up on my best friend. I really just need good advice on what to do because I seem to be in a tight jam. If you could help that would be great. Thankyou so much
14 erika // May 30, 2008 at 1:40 pm
hi vanessa,
I’m not sure if I am even old enough for you to acknowledge my advice, but I can’t seem to find any other genuine site, mostly because I need advice anonymously. Anyways, I’m 16 and I have three important best friends. We have been so close for a couple of years now and we have all been through so much. My parents got divorced, a close friend of mine died suddenly, one of my other friends’ boyfriends cheated on her with our close friend after an extremely long relationship. To get to the point, we’ve all been in sticky situations and we’ve always turned to eachother for help and never done anything violent, harmful, etc. But this friend isn’t dealing with her problems the way she used to and she resorted to cutting her wrists, thighs, and ankles. But i know her too well and i’ve been with her during one of her “freakouts” and i cannot see one single problem wrong with her life. And i honestly don’t think it’s one of those cases where no one understands her because she has deep dark secrets or a bad life at home. We spend days on end with eachother and she has the nicest most caring and giving family i’ve ever met. Also, it’s hte little things she does that hints to all of us that it might actually be an attention scam. She always asks people (especially guys) if shes fat, when in reality she is the skinniest, tannest, prettiest girl ever and she knows it, she’s always so confident. And then out of nowhere someone will say “sam you look so pretty today” and she’ll fire back “ew no i don’t” and then she keeps saying it over and over until the person has completely convinced her taht she’s the prettiest girl in the world. Also she doesn’t cry or show any emotion when she cuts herself, and I’m not sure what to do. She refuses all of our help and its been since august of last year that we’ve been consistently trying to aid her in any way possible. She doesn’t ever want to talk to councelors or any of us of anyone for that matter. At this point, I’m honestly just stuck and we feel like giving up but then again I would never give up on my best friend. I really just need good advice on what to do because I seem to be in a tight jam. If you could help that would be great. Thankyou so much
15 Vanessa // Jun 1, 2008 at 7:37 am
Erika
Of course you are old enough for me to acknowledge your advice, in fact I am so glad you posted! You are right this is a really tight jam.
First, I can understand that it feels like she has nothing to worry about if she is pretty, has a nice family etc and you and your other friends have to deal with so many really tough things already. I have figured out that many times people who usually need the most help, often are in situations you would never guess. This is a problem she is having on the inside and you may be right that it could be a grab for attention.
Whether she is doing it for attention, or there is a serious chemical imbalance, she needs help and it is not fair for you and your friends to be dealing with it alone. She also could seriously hurt herself or take it a step further. You said she has a very sweet family? If she is looking for attention I am sure she is secretly waiting for them to notice as well. Have you considered telling the parents? I completely understand if you do not want to ‘tell on her’
If you need to remain anonymous, I would write a note to your school counselor explaining the situation and ask the counselor to mention to her parents that she saw some cuts on your friends arms/legs. This way, you are letting adults handle it but your friend will not think anyone told.
For your friends sake, and your sake, please go and tell someone–even better if it is anonymous so you do not get involved in her anger when people want her to go to therapy.
Vanessa
16 Ben // Jun 3, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Hey Vanessa,
I need some advice. I have a younger Step- Sister and shes coming to join my dad in LA because they cant find her dad and she just lost her mom 2 weeks ago. She claims she fine but the other day she got upset cause she doesnt want to move and have to start her life over again. I feel really bad for her. I want to help her as her older brother and so does my sister but she wont tell us anything and she wont go see a counsler. Im worried about her alot.
Any Advice?
Ben
17 Vanessa // Jun 4, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Hi Ben
How wonderful of you to be so supportive of your step sister. As a step-sister with an older step brother myself I know how important it is to have a good relationship with new family members and how hard it is after divorce.
This is a little tricky because you do not want to push her too much. I would try to arrange a few different types of activities to get to know her and allow her to meet other people.
This way it gives you different opportunities to bond with her, makes her feel busy and aclimated, lets her meet others and could be fun. here are some ideas to plan with her:
-lasertag in LA on sat night in the valley is all-you-can-play for 21 dollars and a lot of young people go and it is such fun
-walk in santa monica along the water or bike ride and then walk the promenade, really nice in the summer and if she wants to talk she can, if not you could always play frisbee or something
-If you are brave there is a great all age salsa club called la grenada in alhambra and there are usually tons of young people and they even have a lesson before and after
-i would also recommend signing her up for an improv class or something fun she can do to meet people with or without you, the Groundlings is great for this.
Hope this helps!
Vanessa
18 Ben // Jun 4, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Hi Vanessa,
Thanks for that advice. I think it will work, but the other problem just not me, but my dad and sister to. Is we think she should she a counsler after everything that as happened and I don’t want to push her alot. Shes one of those people who keeps everything inside and doesnt say anything to anyone. I know she as pain and I hate she can talk to me or my dad or my sister.
Do you have any advice on that?
Ben
19 Vanessa // Jun 4, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Hi Ben
Yes you cannot force that. You should try a group. You said she lost her mother? There are many groups you can sign up for for group therapy for this and she can meet others like her and they are very good at getting everyone to talk without being too pressured.
Vanessa
20 Ben // Jun 4, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Hi Vanessa,
Yeah she did lose her mother. I asked her if she would try a group therapy. She said she doesn’t need it that she is fine, but I know shes not. Like i said she likes to keep stuff to her self. We just don’t know what to do anymore. Its just been hard on her.
Ben
21 Megan // Jun 10, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I need your advice. I have a sister inlaw whos 14 and I’ve been trying to get to know her more. You know trying to be her friend and trying to help her. I think something might be wrong cause she been though alot. I want to be able to help her but she keeps pushing me away.
What should I do?
Megan
22 Vanessa // Jun 10, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Hi Megan
Its hard if you have been trying and she has been pushing away. I would try one of two things:
1. Flat out tell her you want to befriend her. Sometimes if you just come out and say look I think you are cool I want to get to know you, it works better. Then what do you want to do?
2. Ask for her help with something. Often times if you ask someone for help with something you are doing they feel important. Ask her for specific advice that only a young person would know like maybe social networks or shopping and try to enlist her in your cause.
Good for you for trying, I swear, she will remember and thank you later.
Vanessa
23 Megan // Jun 10, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Hi Vanessa,
That is really good advice, and I don’t know how often you get this question and it might be a stupid one. If I thought something was really wrong like shes doing something that can harm her or others. Should I just go to her about it or let her come to me?
Megan
24 Vanessa // Jun 13, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Hi Megan
If something is really wrong with her (like she might hurt herself or others) you should try to approach her with some other family members, then she needs some serious support and help. Keep a watchful eye, so sorry it is tough
Vanessa
25 Peyton // Jun 16, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I dont know if Im to old to be asking for your advice. My Step-Brother suggested I take a look at your site. When I was 4 my parents got divoced and now Im 14 living with my Step-Dad since my mom past away and I still feel what happened between my parents was some what was my fault cause my Dad always told the only reason they got married was my mom was pregant with me and he was trying to do the right thing. Now I have to live in the LA area away from all my friends. I know its been awhile since my parents were seprated, but I still feel like its my fault.
Peyton
26 Vanessa // Jun 17, 2008 at 7:25 am
Peyton,
No age limits here! First, nothing is your fault. Your parents are adults and the decisions they make decisions based on their own situations, I am sure what did unite them was their love for you, and what happened between them have to do with their issues and not because of anything you did. First thing I hope you will do is go to your dad and tell him you feel this way so that he can straighten it out for you. Or at least you can have open communication so YOU do not feel guilty for this!
Tell him you feel like what happened is kind of your fault and you want to talk to him about it.
I am so sorry about your mom and having to move to LA, I totally get living in a city far away from friends and it can be really hard if you do not know anyone. I know this advice entails having to kind of go out and do stuff, and you might not feel like it right now, but I want to throw them out there anyway ok?
It’s summer so people are usually out of their usual cliques and groups of friends. I would really really recommend trying one of these things:
-joining a sports league (like Beverly Hills, LA city and Santa Monica all have one for baseball, tennis and soccer) These are great because it will give you something to do and usually no one knows each other.
-join a teen center (culver city has a great one, santa monica has one 02 Max Fitness) west hollywood and hollywood have a bunch and usually they are very cheap if not free, especially if you offer to intern or volunteer there in off hours–a great way to meet other people in the community.
-go to a day or sleep away camp like Riverway or some of the computer camps.
I would contact Parks and Rec for your area and they always have tons of free teen events in the summer where everyone is out of place and away from friends. I really want to make sure you get some contacts here and meet some people who can help you feel a little less homesick.
Vanessa
27 Peyton // Jun 17, 2008 at 11:00 am
Hi Vanessa,
Thanks for the advice. The thing with my dad though i tryed and he is still saying the same thing. My dad and I never got along thats why I lived with my mom and now my Step-Dad. The things my dad did hurt everyone in my family.
Now Im a little lucky with a Step- Brother and Step-Sister and Step-dad who care about me. I just really wish people would dtop blaming me for the divocre.
Peyton
28 Rhett // Jun 18, 2008 at 3:27 am
Vanessa, we are speaking at a few camps this summer for fatherless teen boys. The camp directors have asked for some articles they can share with the boys’ mothers on how to be a good mother to a boy without a father. Have you done any posts on this particular topic we can share with them and/or would you consider doing one with a “top tips for single mothers of boys”? Thanks! You blog is phenom…
Rhett
29 Vanessa // Jun 18, 2008 at 12:48 pm
peyton:
Wow, I am proud of you that you realize your dad is saying very hurtful things. That is really not ok and he probably lashing out at you because he is feeling so bad. I am glad that you have a step family that cares for you. I am and was extremely close with my step brother and step mother.
Keep talking to your step-dad about your feelings about the divorce, the more you can talk about it with people who care about you the more I think you can let go your father’s anger so it is not your own.
thank you for being willing to share your experience with me.
Vanessa
30 Vanessa // Jun 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Rhett
what a good idea for an article! I have put it on my article ‘to write’ list. I think maybe some of my bonding and activities posts might be good for this as well:
http://www.vanessavanpetten.com/2008/01/31/10-activity-ideas-for-your-teen/
Vanessa
31 peyton // Jul 10, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I need your advice. Ive been in public school all of my life. Including my First 2 years of highschool. Now since I moved to the LA area. My step dad thinks I should go to a all girls private school he saids is the best and i dont think I could which fron going to a public school to a private school.
Any advice??
Peyton
32 Justine // Jul 11, 2008 at 12:25 am
Hi vanessa
Ive never posted one of these so sorry if its a little scatterd. I see that you reach out to teens and parents to try and help better certain situations so maybe you can help me.
about 2 years ago i started having alot of body issues that quickly evolved into an eating disorder, i kept it a secret but one of my best friends found out and wanted to help me but she told my other friends to also get help. after awhile i came to my sences and got help, i no longer use that life style but i cant help but feel like my friends still treat me as if i am still purging, almost as if they dont trust me when i say i dont do it anymore.
it gets hard when no one believes you, some times i feel like i want to jump back into my old life style.
i want my friends to know that they can trust me and that i know now if i need help to ask for it.
also i was wondering if you have any advise on things to maybe keep my mind off of everything( postive things).
i hope you can help, thanks
-justine
33 Vanessa // Jul 12, 2008 at 11:04 am
Peyton-
I did go to an all-girls school for part of my life and actually really really loved it…but this is I think because I really wanted to go there. In terms of all girls vs co-ed, you have to really want to be in an all girls school to be able to get the full advantage. The girls who I went to school with who were dying for co-ed hated and resented every second of it, but if you think you could handle it, you should try it, the girls are usually really nice, the education is more geared towards the way girls think and there is less drama.
If the issue for you is public versus private this is another story. I will tell you that in Los Angeles there is a very big difference. Depending on the area, the LA public schools can be good, but you really have to push yourself to get the benefit–sign up for AP and honors classes, meet with teachers nad make your mark if you want to do well.
Private schools can be great if your dad is willing to pay you might want to give it a try it will help you a lot when it comes time for college. If you can go to the school and ask to not only take tour, but ask to shadow a girl there. They will often do this, then you can be with a girl all day and really see what it is like. It really is different for everyone and you have to make sure you will not resent your dad for sending you there, because public or private if you hate it, it will not be good no matter what the school.
Vanessa
34 Vanessa // Jul 12, 2008 at 11:12 am
Hey Justine
I actually had a friend in high school who was bulimic and she told us that she was getting help and after that everyone was always really careful around lunch or when we got candy at the movies and we all just wanted to support her the best we could but we were probably making it worse.
What you have to realize is your friends are scared for you and do not really understand what you are going through and really just want to help you but arent sure how so they are treating you differently.
My friend actually did something that I think was really smart and helped us all treat her more normally.
She basically one day at lunch was like, ok guys so I wanted to tell you guys:
1-thank you for all of your help getting me help I really appreciate it (this made us feel good and showed us that she had really come along way because she brought it out into the open)
then she said
2- I finally feel like I am going to be able to fly move on from this and I have recovered, so I wanted to know if you guys had any questions for me because I do not want you to worry or think I am still purging and you make me nervous when you are nervous.
then she answered some of our questions (she knew we had but wouldnt ask) for us, like:
Do you ever want to start purging again? (she said yes sometimes but then she thinks about all of her anchors and what it could do to herself and she doesnt)
When you see other peple eating bad food does it make you feel uncomfortable (no not really, i like seeing people eat and enjoy their food without worrying about what I think, that is the most stressful)
…
anwyay, i would address some of their questions, let it be out in the open and it will help you and them move on and be more comfortable. Talking outloud about any issue esp with friends helps make it easier and less ‘charged with anxiety’
Vanessa
35 Vanessa // Jul 12, 2008 at 11:14 am
also on keeping your mind on positive things…here is what I do
(I tend to be a really worrier and it was worse in school where I would get depressed)
This might sound like such a loser thing to do but whatever I still use mine. I made a list of all the things I enjoy doing, I am copying down some of mine (big and really small)
-Watch sex and the city
-nap
-draw out my dream home
-plan a vacation
-read my magazines
-call margo and jessica
-play card games
-review my chinese cards
-look at old pictures
-make necklaces for next friend birthday
…
anyway when I am feeling like ugh, I hate stuff right now I look at the list and have to pick one thing to do and it helps.
I also find any kind of project is good (painting, writing a book, collage, research…)
36 Kelsey // Jul 15, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I’m thirteen, and above all things I only have one basic problem.
Two years ago, my parents divorced.
I don’t like it, but I’ve adjusted well after a few months.
Almost right after, my dad dated and then married a woman very quickly.
I was happy for him at first, and I thought it would be cool having a step-mom.
As soon as she moved in, however, things changed.
She brought in a TON of junk and now are house is very tacky.
My room is being used as storage for her clothes and such, forcing me to stockpile my clothes wherever i can.
She isn’t mean to me, but I’m being relied on to do more housework, for example my dad might say
“Oh you don’t have to worry, Kelsey can clean that for you.”
etc.
I honestly think he truly doesn’t have a connection, rather he forces it on by changing himself to be like her.
He picked up religion, FOR HER.
He started liking country music, FOR HER.
He bought tons of more tacky furniture, FOR HER.
I really really hope (and not in a mean way) that they will realize they just aren’t meant to be.
Since my parents have jointed custody, meaning we switch off every half week, I’m able to confide in my mom about this.
I’ve tried hinting to my dad that I don’t like being forced to horde her things in my room, or doing extra chores because of her laziness, but he doesn’t really care.
I’m terrified of full out telling him how I feel, because ever since he married her he has become extremely aggressive to me and my five year old brother.
He gives my step-moms children WAY more rights then we do, for example; having more than three kids over to spend the night, where as I can only have one every so often, if its one of the friends that he likes.
My social life has suffered extremely.
He is very fickle about giving me rides to movies, shopping, etc.
Sometimes I manage to have a sleepover or hang out, but never at his house; either because I cant, or because all of my friends are deathly afraid of him.
I’ve asked my mom if she will file for full custody of us, but she says that despite what he does, he still cares for us; funny way of showing it- eh?
Honestly I really don’t know what to do beyond bottling it up and avoiding any contact with my family at my dads house.
Any advice?
37 Vanessa Van Petten // Jul 16, 2008 at 9:00 pm
ok, that is so not fair of your dad.
A few things:
1) Your mom is right in the sense that he cares for you a lot
2) He definitely is not showing it to you correctly or respecting your space and needs
3) He honestly probably does not realize that he is doing or how negatively it is effecting you.
He definitely needs to understand that his actions and his new wife’s actions are really affecting you and your brother physically and emotionally (and even socially) I can understand that this could be a scary confrontation and to be honest I do not think you should do it alone or even at all.
Do you know someone who can speak to him on your behalf (it cannot be your mom) it would be great if you could talk to an aunt, grandma, neighbor, family friend, teacher who could tell him about your space and need for his attention and respect. He will hear this because it is from another adult and he will realize you were upset enough to talk to someone else
Please try to find a mediator, this will take some pressure off of you and have him be aware of his actions.
Vanessa
38 Jen // Jul 19, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I was hoping I could get some advice from you even though I mite be a little old for your advice. Im 14 and I dont get along with my parents epically my dad. ya me and my mom fight sometimes but my dad and I fight all the time and Im tired of it and hes the one who starts it. Its to the point were Im scared to be home without my mom around.
Amy Advice?
Jen
39 Jen // Jul 19, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I was hoping I could get some advice from you even though I mite be a little old for your advice. Im 14 and I dont get along with my parents epically my dad. ya me and my mom fight sometimes but my dad and I fight all the time and Im tired of it and hes the one who starts it. Its to the point were Im scared to be home without my mom around.
Amy Advice?
Jen
40 Peyton // Jul 19, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Hi Vanessa,
Thanks for the advice. I did end up going on a tour of the school its called Marlborough School. Everyone one there was nice and Its a great school. I just really havent wanting to go back to school Because last time I was in school when I found out my mom died. So Im afarid if I go back to school. The same thing will happen to someone close to me.
Any Advice?
Peyton
41 Vanessa // Jul 21, 2008 at 10:00 am
Jen
This is really rough because you are fighting with both of your parents. First off let me say, I also went through a really really rough time with my parents where I was fighting with both of them…this really happens a lot. But yours sounds a bit more serious. I would first try getting your parents alone when they are in ‘good moods’
-ask your mom if the two of you can spend some alone time go to lunch or to the mall and tell her you have been feeling bad about the fighting with her and especially with your dad. Ask her what she thinks you cna do to lessen the fighting and get along better with your dad.
-I would also maybe ask your dad for some alone time. If you do not want to approach him you cna leave him a note asking him to go to the movies or somewhere with you where you can talk.
I know it is a really really tough step to talk to them and take the initiative to start a dialogue but it will make them realize you are growing up and want to have a better relationship and your dad needs to calm down.
Vanessa
42 Vanessa // Jul 21, 2008 at 10:01 am
Peyton
LOL I went to Marlborough and so do my sisters now. It is a great school but if you are having fears about school and your parent’s death I think you really should find some other kids who have lost parents. I know in LA there are a few different groups for teens who are grieving and a lot of them lost parents even a few years ago and go for the support.
I am sure a lot of them experience the same things you do and it would be great to talk it through with them. Please please try to find one or join one (try calling your lcoal boys and girls club or YMCA and ask!)
Vanessa
43 Jen // Jul 21, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Hi Vanessa,
I’ve tryed talking to both of them and It worked with my mom but my dad. I’m scared to be around cause when he gets anger and starts yelling it can get pischally like in the past.
Im running out of things to do.
Jen
44 Peyton // Jul 21, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Hi Vanessa,
Thanks Im going to give that a shot.
lol. you went to Marlborough and now your sisters do?
It is a great school.
My older step-sister goes there and shes a senior.
Peyton
45 Vanessa // Jul 23, 2008 at 10:32 am
Jen
I would go to another family member or family friend and have them approach for you/with you so you know that you are protected and they know it is serious.
Vanessa
46 Jen Singer // Jul 25, 2008 at 8:54 am
I thought you’d want to see this plug for your site: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/tweens/Web_Sites_About_Teens
47 Audrey // Aug 23, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I feel so guilty about not telling my mom the truth about things I do and each day I am sinking deeper into depression. Once I went through a stage for 3 months where I had to tell my mom all my secrets and when I didn’t , I made myself sick. Here are my problems:
1. I say dirty and bad things because everyone else does
2. I cuss a lot because everyone else does and people say that if I don’t say or do bad stuff then I’m a goody goody
3. I tell my boyfriend that I love him and hug him and he puts his arm around me even though I told my mom that I didn’t because everyone else does it too with their boyfriend or girlfriend
4. I lie to everyone I love, and my friends
Please help
48 Vanessa // Aug 27, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hi Audrey,
I have been thinking a lot about your post and think that what you are going through is very important. I think that you are feeling a ton of guilt right now and that would make anyone sick! Especially if you are keeping things in and feeling like you are lying it sounds like that is causing you a lot of personal anguish.
I really think you should sit down with someone you can trust to talk to about this. I think your mom might be a little too close to the situation for you to be able to be completely honest.
Have you thought about talking to your school counselor or maybe an aunt or uncle? I know it is sometimes hard to approach them, but I really think it is a good idea for you to talk to them.
Vanessa
49 kayla // Oct 7, 2008 at 6:30 am
My son was born with esophageal atresia and im looking to see if you could help me find other parents that can relate to me? It is a very rare birth defect.
50 Vanessa // Oct 7, 2008 at 10:37 am
I do not know anyone with this, but if anyone reading this can respond, please do!
Vanessa
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